May 14, 2016
Part 5
For those that have become aware of these unhealthy relationships and/or the "baggage" we take on when involved in these toxic or dysfunctional situations change must come from our actions. Not only does allowing another's behavior to harm us affect our present, it also carries the risk of being a burden in the future. What is now eventually becomes the past and our past can significantly influence our future in all ways.
For most that find their selves engaged or involved it these types of relationships or even the pursuit of such, there is always that beginning or starting point. And somewhere in those first or initial stages is the trigger, the memory or something lacking within that allows us to be more or less a "victim". All dysfunction then feeds off of that original "hole" so that the longer we remain or allow the more difficult it becomes to extricate ourselves. Although logically it would seem to be the opposite, the worse things get the easier or clearer the need and motivation to leave; in truth it becomes harder or more difficult. And sometimes the only path to moving on is to reflect back on our past or look deep within our spiritual core to find the first weakness or identify the original "hole" that allowed these beliefs and acceptance to slip through.
As discussed in part 3, there are numerous influences, reasons and traits that result in creating a lack of boundaries or to accept dysfunction as functional. And as individuals our reasons or the "whys" vary even with repetitive type relationships or in attracting the same type of person or relationship.
And while there are many internal and external obstacles that can be overcome and turned into unity, happiness and balance, this is simply not one of those. This is NOT a situation in which communication, compromise or even outside help can make enough of an impact or difference that such can be salvaged. Think of this as an automobile that has been in a major wreck; quite often the insurance company takes pictures, decides on the extent of damage and ultimately reaches a price for restoration. But in some cases the damage exceeds the value and the vehicle is considered a "total loss" and is then simply written off and a check is given depending of course on your exact coverage.
In relationships where there is abuse in the sense that pain is constantly inflicted upon one partner due to the actions and choices of another, it becomes a "total loss" and the only viable solution is to exit such relationship.
And if doing so were easy, we would not be writing this blog. It is often one of the most difficult and personally challenging processes we go through as humans. But it can be done, and for those that have successfully exited and fully disconnected and detached from such dysfunction it is highly unlikely to be forgotten therefore not to be repeated.
As with all things (or most) in life this is a process and is a procedure of steps that culminate to bring about the end. We have to understand the steps and of course be able and willing to follow through with the actions of that process.
This process begins by our ability to acknowledge that the relationship whether fully committed or in process is unable to serve our greater good, and is dysfunctional externally as the relationship and creates such internally- our core and being.
It is also vital that we separate and accept that we are all responsible and accountable for our own self only. We cannot control, change or create what we desire in another person. And that any choices, actions and behaviors of another are a reflection of THAT person and in no WAY meant or supposed to be a reflection of self. This is generally the most difficult; the ability to see beyond what we may cling to as the potential or the unsupported belief that if we change our actions, intentions or interactions; we can somehow change their behaviors. We only have control over our own intentions and actions. And also why our only viable action is to exit. Exiting these relationships or releasing what we may still cling to as the "potential" for an alternate outcome that relies on perceived or possible changes made by another. It requires that we fully accept that what we have, what is, becomes all that we can receive with that specific person. It also is imperative that we separate our dream or vision of a life partner, romance or relationship is never dependent upon a HUMAN. Our desires or goals can always be manifested, we therefore must embrace hope and faith that it can and will become a part of our life and path, and only the face (person) will be changed or replaced. Too often humans connect and relate love or the emotion, energy and rewards of love being limited to one particular individual. And our life and the world are full of potential and those which can become life partners that fulfill our visions and meet our spiritual, emotional and physical needs. As humans and spiritual beings our capacity for love is endless, there are no limits to who or how much one can love. However that in no way implies that we are expected to just be with anyone, we can only develop a long term, lasting or life partner relationship if the chemistry, bond and connection exists. However that "potential" or the sheer number of possibilities exceeds what the average person has been taught to believe or accept.
We must work hard and constantly remind ourselves that THEIR behavior is not our responsibility. And in that energy, allowing ourselves to suffer never creates a higher state, a better or deeper bond but only continues to cause suffering and despair. We never "deserve" this type of suffering, and we cannot change or replace the past or even fix what may be broken by allowing ourselves to be continually abused in whatever forms that may exist.
Time; time alone or in itself cannot and will not bring change positive or negative. Although time is or can be a process and over time we can learn better coping skills, heal, rebound and recover. Time is never a catalyst or an influence that in that moment carries the power to enlighten, change or influence. So those that continue to "wait and hope" are only in truth wasting time and in that time possibly missing out on other real and potential opportunities.
Refusing to accept; finally we must become empowered with our self-image, trust and faith in self and especially in the Divine, that life can and should be better, most especially when it comes to romantic relationships. Once we refuse to accept what is as being as good as it gets or as good as we deserve, we are more apt to see the realities of what is not, and be ready and able to move forward. Once we stop or refuse to accept the pain or suffering that is placed upon us by another, that person will also usually begin to detach. Those humans that deliberately and knowingly inflict pain, whatever form it takes seek those that are accepting and once we refuse to accept this it usually shifts the intentions of both persons therefore the relationship is disrupted and dismantled.
As my guides have mentioned often, sometimes knowing what cannot be, should not be or isn't self-serving is the first step to finding, manifesting and creating what IS.
All relationships fluctuate to a certain degree; rarely do they maintain a totally steady line indefinitely. Just as life there are always ups and downs. However when we are involved in an encounter or relationship that is consistently a painful, chaotic and anxiety provoking experience, that is not up and down it is a constant low and negative energy and influence.
The biggest factors to keep in mind or to focus on is that change comes through OUR actions and that action must be putting an end to the acceptance of being the victim or the receiver of what is not ours to carry or endure. Just as we would not continue to remain in a platonic relationship if every interaction was self-destructive or harmful, a romantic relationship should be no different. And in fact we should be even more vigilant to the energy and emotions we receive with romantic or potentially romantic partners.
Next, putting it all together, finally walking away and breaking free of the cycle.
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