Dec 15, 2016
Part 2
So part of the process or we could say the "intervention" of first self, and then relationship is the ability to appropriately and honestly define healthy or unhealthy. If a relationship is unhealthy, it either is or inevitably becomes dysfunctional and then toxic. Even when we are willing and at times even intentionally in pursuit of a relationship (or person) or struggling to maintain what we create or perceive as a relationship. If we define relationship, and because this series is focused on romantic relationships, commitment, long term etc., we use more narrow terms. Therefore regardless of the truth or what supports or lacks in that truth (truth being perception) a relationship is any/all interactions or better yet, that which we devote all resources available towards. So it is actually possible for humans to "perceive" a relationship with another human that by conventional standards, measures or universally is not in reality a relationship. It may exist as such within our spiritual yearning, or we may have wrapped it up in so much hope, faith and future expectation that it becomes disguised and/or presented at a "relationship" when in reality it is only a desire. A true relationship MUST exist externally and aside from our relationship with self, that between 2 humans must have balance and some form of equality in the desire, intention, choices and most important actions of both. And for many of us, we may have begun or a relationship may have been initiated or started in that format; at some point a total breakdown occurs (or never really begins) and there is no actual "relationship". All that remains is what we feel or our emotional connection/attachment and the constant burden of living for some future hope, expectation or outcome. Although love is not dependent upon time, we can experience love at first sight, or we can be in a partnership or marriage for 20 years, and the time in of itself can never truly define a relationship.
And for those that may struggle reading this with what constitutes the perception of truth versus lies, in the aspect of misleading self; see the prior blog on "truth versus lies" it goes into great detail. But for the sake of moving forward into this series, we need to accept and be reality based. And that can be extremely difficult, painful and quite a struggle, which only adds to the intention of pursuing the "maybe" or "what if" rather than the "it is" and the now or present.
So an example of what is an actual or external relationship would be 2 humans that share a bond or connection, actively choose to be in the relationship, and are able to demonstrate that intention with actions that are supportive. For those that are holding on when there really is nothing that resembles a relationship in terms of a partnership or leading towards that, even a romance that is valued or pursued again we look at the equality. Or we find there is only one of 2 that actually pursues any type of external relationship, makes choices supporting that, responds and their intentions are easily understood because action supports such intentions. So it can be said that a literal or external relationship CAN exist without a bond or connection of love and chemistry or spiritual unity. This is possible because for a myriad of reasons both persons are having some or all needs of priority met, and there is equality in giving and receiving. That is certainly not what a life partner is intended nor is that our potential, however it can and does exist. In the opposite view; a relationship again literal and external cannot exist no matter the love, emotion, connection or bond felt even by both if the actions from intentions are unequal or even non-existent by one.
So we then know that an actual relationship is not defined by the feelings, emotions or any connection or chemistry. For our highest or greatest good, these are of course major elements or energies and influences that should exist, but they are never enough to hold any relationship together. And not just as in healthy, productive and functional, but at times even the true existence of such a relationship always relies ultimately on choice=actions.
So a few examples;
A male dated a female for several months, and during this period of dating he perceived this to be a potential long term relationship, possibly a life partner. They were together on a regular basis, attraction or chemistry seemed to exist and there were many commonalities. From their interests in activities, work ethics, raising or not raising a family and spending time and money. After several months, the female began making excuses and he felt there was a distance growing between the two. After multiple attempts to find out what had gone wrong, perhaps he had done or said something. Maybe she was just stressed out as her work/job was very demanding. She refuses to communicate on a deep level and just seems to become more distant, perhaps answering she doesn't know how she feels, or her feelings towards him have "changed". A month passes and he has not seen her, she no longer responds to any attempts at contact. The male has been assertive in pursuing the female and still attempts to find out "why" or what changed. She has now blocked his number and on all social media pages, even perhaps refusing delivery of flowers or similar. Fast forward 6 months or so. This for the male has now become a relationship which only exists within his own being, there is absolutely zero input from the female, there is no interaction at all, and yet he still spends much of his time, thoughts and energy on the hope and expectation that they will suddenly be reunited. We know from universal law that "nothing changes if nothing changes" and therefore he has tried to shift and change her choice to no avail. She is not going to return, and many of us can see this easily and logically- until we find ourselves in that same energy and place. He is unable to move on or forward because he is creating a relationship or holding onto what once actually was a relationship but this only exists within his own being, nothing literal or external exists.
While that example may seem rather dramatic, it is only because we are reading another human's struggle and story. When it comes to OUR heart or a situation that is similar in terms of what was or what could be versus what is we can find a million reasons why we are an "exception" and waiting is all we need to do.
Waiting accomplishes nothing other than wasting time. Unless there were or are very specific issues, such as a person in prison, the hospital or serving in the military, there is no relationship without equality of actions or choices.
And many of us as humans can get lost and/or trapped in a vicious cycle where any small symbol or sign renews our faith or expectation in our desired outcome. Because we are all very different and therefore our communication and coping skills vary tremendously; some humans are unable to just literally disappear. Instead they are truly intending compassion and kindness and will on occasion answer a text, return a phone call or chat on other available venues. While they are not intending to lead the other person on, and have likely been very clear in word and if not by deed that a romantic or long term relationship will never exist (or be renewed) we will use those polite responses as proof that time is all that stands between us.
These are very painful and difficult situations to endure uphold and live. They bring anxiety, chaos, grief and toxic energy into our lives' therefore it goes into our spiritual and emotional self. Those self created or self upheld relationships or attempts for such also take our power and can create havoc with our true identity, path and purpose.
No human being, nor as spiritual beings was meant to be unhappy or living with dysfunction, sadness and constant longing. And as mentioned, for most of us, we never intended a relationship to be only within self. We do not have to be lacking intelligence or suffering from major psychiatric problems or emotional issues to find ourselves caught in these situations.
These are not however true "relationships" as all that transpires is inside or within self, and the use of hope, prayer, manifesting and desire to provoke us into continuing. And many of us are very spiritual beings, therefore we can often get lost in the "fate" or the "meant to be" and "supposed to be" or Karmic influences that may be very real. The problem is again, as humans and under universal law, choice and free will always override Karma if that exists. And in many cases it did or the potential did. We are for a multitude of reasons and factors unable to accept the now, and sometimes even the past when months or even years have gone by and instead live on hope.
It is similar to trying to stay alive physically on milk and bread. We can stay alive; however all we are doing is surviving. We are not fulfilling OUR true path and destiny, there is no happiness, harmony, balance or joy in trying to sustain on literally on our own head, heart and spirit, without any real or significant input.
Next, more on recognizing these patterns and learning to shift our thinking and to segregate emotions from choice.
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