Dec 12, 2016
Part 4/conclusion
It is our hope that after reading this mini-series, many walk away with a much deeper understanding of not just the "truth" but also how we communicate with one another. And that there is recognition that while truth exists, when it comes to sharing or expressing feelings by self or others, we cannot always expect an absolute or fixed notion. The truth can be the truth and still vary to some extent from what we may witness, perceive or understand. We therefore need to be flexible within our relationships and our communication in such relationships that those "truths" are for that person in that moment their truth. We all have our "truths" just because they are not always the same or identical does not make one the truth and the other an actual lie or mistruth.
What we also must learn to recognize is when another person and especially in close relationships such as a romantic partner, spouse, etc., is when there is no variation of the truth but only lies.
The main difference as we briefly touched on in part 3 is the intention behind the transmittal or delivery and what may be a reward or the potential to avoid consequences. When a close friend or our partner deliberately lies, it is not just that one lie that can begin, create or add to dysfunction and the deterioration of the relationship. It is quite rare that a person especially one that close would tell ONE lie and no other lies are needed, necessary or produced. All lies are either to deny an action that is not serving the greater good (of such relationship or bond) or is to start into motion an action which does not serve. In either case one lie will almost always lead to more lies and this quickly alters and/or shifts the energy from positive to mistrustful, chaotic and anxiety provoking. While there are some humans or for all of us at one time or another, we have been fooled or accepted a lie in place of the truth. But in an ongoing situation such as a relationship, our spiritual energy and core center begins to take notice and to pass that in some way into our emotional and cognitive self. Which is how or why many are often heard to say; something felt off about what he/she said. Or it didn't make sense that they were or said they were working that evening yet their vehicle was not in the parking lot after 6 pm. These are just examples, but we all have intuition and that gut feeling and the closer the bond or connection with another the stronger the intuition with that person becomes. When we sense something to be a lie, therefore we know the intentions are dishonorable, we can allow things to escalate quickly so that we are in a state of conflict. We then are forced to either deny our own feelings, sense of justice or gut feeling, or to confront the person and to a point disallow the lie. When we do this, we are not suggesting that one become physical or even confrontational. Instead communicate how you FEEL and any proof or even just logical knowledge or awareness you may have that proves this is indeed a lie.
There is an old adage (author unknown) and it goes as follows; "Oh what tangled webs we weave when first we practice to deceive". And that statement is an accurate representation of what almost always occurs when a lie is shared. My guides talked about those lies that are necessary to protect someone, keeping a surprise party hidden, or at times in dealing with children. However even in those scenarios we go right back to the original or motivating intention to find the answer. When a person or partner lies, and something is gained or is expected to be gained, this is NOT a lie that is supportive of the greater good.
And in many aspects once a lie is told, that fictional story (the original lie) must be constantly supported and upheld and the only way to accomplish this is, you guessed it more lies!!
Our best defense is to be empowered, aligned with our spiritual core and identity and to believe in our self and our own inner or internal awareness. For many humans especially those that are already trying to salvage a broken or fractured relationship even those that are non-romantic, friends, family, etc. fear keeps us silent. We fear not only the repercussions if we choose to not accept a lie as the perceived truth, but we also fear the total breakdown of the relationship and the potential loss of that person in our lives’. Even those relationships where are needs are unmet, or perhaps we are emotionally already alone or abandoned, we can still feel that fear of losing more, or losing whatever connection has survived to this point. And in any dysfunctional relationship no matter how toxic and how aware one may be have the dysfunction it becomes a pattern of interaction and acceptance is required. Once we begin or we accept that first intentional or deliberate lie, we are quite likely to find that as time passes the lies become easier to accept as we move further into detaching from reality and also from self.
Healthy individuals may accept a lie or what they suspect to be a lie keeps in mind we define a lie as the deliberate intention to mislead for personal gain or avoidance of consequences. So they may be wary and guarded, accepting the lie for the moment but not ignoring the possibility or likelihood that it is indeed a lie. And when the next round comes, as it just is against universal law and the flow of our life as humans for one lie to uphold whatever that original intention may be or have been. And when we are involved with those that are willing to risk the greater good of the relationship by lying and also this indicates a lack of honor and respect, so toxic energy is almost continually being emitted.
So as you can see recognizing a lie or at the very least the possibility of a lie is not difficult, dealing with the matter however is.
As mentioned if we are functional and healthy, we are probably not going to be involved with a person that would carry an intention or need to lie to begin with. So most of us that are being given lies, not the perception of the truth but a deliberate lie, there existed the foundation of dysfunction and a non-harmonious relationship prior to that first lie. And if not, in almost any or every situation/relationship again universal law teaches us that a lie then is the beginning of the detachment and disconnection of that relationship.
And it’s never easy to face up to the pain and trauma that is caused by lies and the intentions which exist behind the lies. It can be very difficult for many of us to be forced to face the failing of a relationship when we are attached and perhaps dependent. The more dependent we have become upon that person, the less empowerment we feel and our identity is stolen or given/traded for what many would call the sake of "love". Love should never require that great of a sacrifice nor do those that love deliberately deceive, manipulate or control their partners or people the care about to meet their own personal agendas.
Although there are of course exceptions to every rule, and there will always be that very uncommon situation where a lie is presented as truth and then admitted to be a lie and rebuilding begins. However that is not the usual or expected outcome when it comes to lies. Think of lies as the symptoms of a disease, and just as a disease may begin slowly and insidiously one symptom here (lie) and then perhaps time passes before another appears. Until at some point, there are enough symptoms (lies) that the underlying problem or disease must be faced by a diagnosis and treatment. And in relationships for the most part the lie is a symptom of a much greater issue or problem and will continue to show signs with lies and other forms of actions and intentions that do not serve the greater good. And eventually it must be faced; the person that is creating the lies may end up leaving or the relationship may continue to deteriorate to a level where it simply is no longer sustainable. And no matter how hard it may be to accept, face and deal with, we cannot be in balance or harmony with self and Divine when we are living lies.
The best we can accomplish is of course to stop or refuse to accept a lie or anything that is equivalent to lies when they begin. And then to seek assistance or communicate with our partner, friend or whomever we are involved with to try to uncover the underlying cause. And while that can be scary and intimidating as it means facing things we may feel we prefer to remain in ignorance to, that is our only hope and salvation or chance for some type of reconnection or reunification of the relationship.
For those that try to ignore the reality, it continues and at a rapid pace until the situation becomes hopeless or way beyond repair. There is either too much damage, or the total breach of trust, love and respect has taken and future hope for that specific person and our relationship. And those on the receiving end only increase the difficulty and chaos by trying to ignore or by taking a lie and molding it into a perception of truth.
At that point, we are giving to self a lie, and our intention is to protect ourselves from pain or discomfort but we only postpone that pain and it generally ends up worse.
We cannot confuse the perception of truth to be lies, however most importantly we can never accept a lie to be perception rather than its true form, manipulation.
This leads us into our next series which will go into relationships, our dependency and how we can work at letting go when there is simply nothing of value left to cling to.
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