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Sharing the Vision with StarzMayaMoon

Feb 11, 2016

"Being alone without being lonely"
Part 3

In yesterday's part 2 we took a look at ways to begin to reconstruct our belief systems and my guides began to share insight into conscious shifts. As we already are aware, we cannot instantly or simply via desire change our circumstances in the moment therefore being lonely versus alleviating loneliness becomes a choice. As a reminder this particular series refers to being "alone" as being without a companion or romantic partner. And it's also important to understand that although we may not be able to instantly change the current circumstances; having or installing hope and faith regarding our future is imperative in our recovery or rebound from loneliness.

As human beings and the majority of such having a strong instinctual desire to be a part of the "couple or duo" we also need to find balance as there will always be pain or suffering when a major change of status occurs. Whether you are dealing with the death of a spouse or an ending of a relationship, some feelings of pain, loss and grief are expected and normal. For those that fall into the more expected or healthy feelings or awareness of loss and the desire to replace that relationship, or seek to find a suitable companion; loneliness is only a part of the whole equation, rather than the sum of all we are.

As my guides suggested writing down or journaling the word lonely or loneliness then adding or free word association to perhaps find within our core self where an overwhelming sense or feeling of loneliness stems. By practicing this and putting forth genuine efforts, we are then able to reflect on unhealthy or toxic influences, associations and even past memories. And while the "why" may vary significantly from person to person; universally fear almost always is the root or foundation of obsessive or paralyzing emotions. When we then become defined by these unhealthy, toxic and unnecessary energies or emotions, we can and often do either totally shut down or turn to frenzied chaos in searching for instant replacements.

As mentioned but to help guide us in recognizing the main components that separate the expected or more natural feelings of loneliness; we look to our intentions, actions and all other avenues of our life. In healthy humans, we can experience loss and grief regardless of how we came to be alone without long term destruction of the rest of our life. For those that have been or find they are programmed into loneliness just at the sake of being alone, whether a relationship was healthy, functional or we were even actually happy, those are the telltale signs that something needs to be addressed. So if you find that loneliness seems to be your constant shadow and even the thought or idea of being alone (in terms of romantic partners or relationships) causes great anxiety, and almost renders us unable to function, time to look closely at our self-reflection.

The choice of loneliness when based solely on fear; whether fear of never finding a future partner, fear or just being alone and irrational fears that are not based in logic or seem inappropriate to the situation something is awry.
It is almost always a hole in our core or our spiritual energy. We have in some way disconnected from source, creator, God, whatever term defines our beliefs. And we are acting out on predisposed ideas or self-induced predictions that are generally false and have the potential for damage. Either by placing us in a perpetual state of loneliness when we are not in an ongoing romantic relationship, or causing us to make huge self-sacrifices and compromises, basically no cost is too high for us to pay to avoid those feelings.

So, working on resetting our internal monitor when it comes to the loneliness gauge may be difficult but it's not impossible. We do have to be willing to face our fears and to embrace a new way of thinking, perceiving and then putting those all into action.

1) Discarding the past and releasing memories, feelings or all things associated with abandonment or that which suggests that not currently have an ongoing or committed romantic relationship supports the fears developed from our past experience.

2) It is vital that we reconnect or attach to whatever we recognize as our higher power, creator, God, Divine etc. That we are able to see that the light that comes from that source is also a part of our energy, internal and external. And that therefore we were created worthy of receiving and giving love. Whether that means sticking post-it notes all through the house, prayer, meditation, candle lighting or even traditional counseling or therapy, we MUST have a strong and active cord to that which represents all good, pure and most important LOVE.

3) Self-image; for those that live in an almost constant state of fear, there is a break or misconception- perhaps even a total lack of self-image, worth and value. This also is influenced by number 2, but we need to work on acceptance of self rather than seek or attempt to attain any type or form of "perfection". We are all flawed, it is part of our humanity and if we are unable to accept our own flaws, we can never truly accept that in others and will likely attract those with predatory energy that prey on our lack of self-confidence. This can be a lengthy process and while some of us may rebound quicker than others, try not to set unrealistic expectations or expect miracles to occur in a few days, sometimes not even in a few weeks. Think of your self-image and sense of worth as a large wound; at first the wound may be stitched up and we cannot see into the damage. (Denial) The next stage in healing is caring for or tending the wound, changing the bandages, keeping it clean and being able to accept that the larger or deeper the wound, the longer the healing process. The same is true of our core value and energy; the bigger the gap or hole, the more time and action, intentions are needed for repair and recovery. As one would with a large wound, or say a broken leg; we also generally imagine the future and how our life can return to "normal" once it has been healed. Those with a more positive approach and outlook that are able to see the wound gradually healing are then more equipped to envision a full and healthy future. And often why journaling because so important. With a wound or broken bone it's quite easy to see the progress, however with spiritual and/or emotional issues, we don't always notice the slow but continual changes and journaling our progress helps us to do just that, SEE the healing and recovery taking place.

4) Being able to evaluate all other (and even past romantic) relationships and their true value to our life. Although we all as humans are going to have encounters, interactions and some relationships that simply do not serve our greater good and may in fact be toxic, this is a general overview. The larger our circle of relationships that are loving, caring, healthy and balanced, the greater our ability to rise above loneliness not just literally but spiritually and emotionally as well. For those of us that reveal or uncover that we seem to be involved in a great many number of dysfunctional or toxic relationships, we need to refer back to 1-3 and slowly begin to dissociate from those as chances are we have compromised in order to avoid being alone or experiencing loneliness. It is quite possible and not all that uncommon to have many friends but still FEEL lonely and the biggest culprit is dysfunctional or chaotic relationships we have ignored, denied or self-sacrificed to avoid loneliness. Now is the time to cut ties with those persons if they exist and formulate a new plan for meeting others but first we absolutely must have an intact self-image.

5) Although there are numerous other influences, these represent the most significant and those that have the greatest impact on our life, present, future and how we perceive self and the world around us. We must work on and be easily able to separate experience from self. That does not mean that experiences and/or events do not create reactions, emotions, challenges as well as joy, happiness and harmony. It simply means that we no longer allow any experience or circumstance to be used as a measure for defining self. And included in that would be other humans, and our relationships. Our definition of self must come from self and our connection to our higher source or power. In doing so, we not only eliminate the fear of being alone, but loneliness will cease to be dictated or chosen by us and instead we replace that with acceptance, and grace.

And lastly our ability to connect with and to envision the hope and potential of the future must be established and maintained.

Up next, more on how we deal with the past by releasing and embrace the future by believing.  ~

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