May 10, 2019
Lesson of Life
Think about it.... Only part of our personality is based on the blending of genetics that gives us an identity, makes us who we are. The rest of it is based on things that happen to us. Events, incidents, relationships, and experiences all give us the basis for our 'identity' to form around. All relationships contribute to who we are; any contact with anyone even if it’s something as simple as a hello teaches us something. There are times when it's difficult to get over a situation, so it's important we see each thing as something we needed to learn, and try to use it to get back into our lives. If I were giving anyone advice it would be to focus on these words: Know What You Want! What do you want your world to look like, what would make you happy? If we are sure of that, we will make choices that guide us in that direction. Otherwise it leaves everything to chance... Some of us are humans who simply have no idea what we want other than to find out what's around the next corner.
But I learned everything happens for a reason. Every event and association makes us who we are. We learn from the situation and hopefully use the lesson to improve the next stop in our road of life. We get into relationships to serve a purpose, we need something. Whether it's a job or a personal relationship, it's simply natural for a human to seek relationships and the influence and energy of other human beings. It gives us knowledge, something to compare our thoughts with, meet our in-the-moment needs.
However, falling in love does not make sense. The things we learn seem to apply only to that person at that time.. All I discovered was all of the lessons happen in retrospect, and it's hard to put them into good use because we think it only applies to the person we are with! But nature plays a role in relationships that is almost impossible to fight! Nature causes people (especially young people) to be eager to mate! It's a proven fact that sex comes into a boy's brain every 7 seconds, and the urge is built into girls to have a partner. She is not told the mating part happens all the time and does not really have much to do with love. The intensity of mating is how nature reproduces every species. I mean, look at the praying mantis. The female chews the head off the male while they are mating. Did he know that would happen? If he did, would he go ahead and woo the lady anyway? Fact is it's hard at the time to figure it out. Even once we have been there one would think we would be amazingly wise! We are not. We always think: this time will be different. Some kind of hormone kicks in and it's off to the races. The world will be a much different place when women learn how to fight those urges.
I met him in Junior High School. I fell in love. Nothing else mattered to me, he was all I could see. He was handsome, but had bad teeth because he was from a poor family. I met the family one time while we were dating in High School. He took me out to the house.. A house with a dirt floor with chickens running around. A house with a filthy double bed in the living room with his drunk father and one of his 11 sisters laying in the bed together, her with some clothing on. Years later I asked myself 'shouldn't that have told you to get the heck out?!' Love just shuts the sensible door in the brain. For some reason we think it will be just fine because... I love him. We married young, had children young, but it took me several years to finally admit that even though he was handsome and very intelligent, he was also a bi-sexual alcoholic and love or no love, a life with him would not be possible.
We got a divorce, I dated other people and five years later I got married again. But number 2 was emotionally nothing like the first one. It took 10 years before I was able to balance the emotions of first love and find out the lesson learned was that intentions do not erase reality. Love is too deep. The desire to be with that particular person hides the lessons we should be learning. It takes time to finally be able to turn around and 'see' things in their real light and by that time the wounds have taken their toll. The message: 'know what you want' works for just about everything else, but not for love. The advice I learned was listen to your inner voice, 'see' him in real light, and don't have sex right at first. You will learn more from that move than anything else. It will cause his real intentions to come to light. Keep in mind it's okay to live life a bit wounded, just makes the good times feel better because you are now making better choices, you are wiser. You will see love is like jumping in a pool; it is okay to take the time to check the temperature and depth, and see what chemicals have been added. If the other person is not okay with taking time you know to pull away. Love is love, but lessons must be learned. We must know what works and what does not. It tells us love is one of the hardest things to learn.
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Image: www.depositphotos.com/# 133466182 Date: Nov 30, 2018
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