Dec 16, 2016
"Love; the truth, the lies, holding on and learning to let go"
Part 3
Before we can begin to make changes or even shift our belief system, possibly even accept that our "truth" (perception) is unfounded within a relationship or person. We must first know how to recognize when hope has become our only means of support or proof in a sense that there is an actual functioning relationship currently or the existence of a future outcome as such. And for humans, facing these truths can be extremely difficult and challenging.
Often times we are not only dealing with love, bonds, connections and/or the desire, hope and expectation of reciprocation and change from the other person. But we are also attempting to change or alter patterns that have been a part of our life, even if that is internal, spiritually and emotionally for a long time. So for some, it is similar in coping and changing as addiction is to move into recovery. An addict not only suffers a disease, but has become defined by that addiction and/or drug. And for many of us, even if we are not fully aware, that perception, hope, person or relationship has at some point become our definition. So not only are we changing or releasing that which has not been supportive of our resources (time, energy, etc.) but we almost have to recreate our true self or at the very least find that core or center without relying on a person or relationship. And this is applicable whether there exists a relationship that is in total dysfunction, out of balance, toxic and chaotic. Or in the case or situation where we are waiting for some force of nature, some inexplicable something to suddenly bring significant change to even develop or incur such a relationship.
So at times we begin to evaluate or weigh a relationship based on what is lacking or in comparison to what we expect versus what actually is. And although to small degree relationships just as other situations in life do change over time, and have the potential to grow, we do have to find a good balance in that expectation or hope as well. If we compare that to for example a career, and we have been with a company for say 5 years, and every 3 months we apply for a promotion and each time we are told we lack the qualifications for eligibility, we are not going to be promoted simply because another 3 months or 1 year has passed. If however we go back to school or enroll in whatever specialized training is required or fulfill whatever we need to become eligible, then we can reasonably expect to receive a promotion. With humans and relationships, logic and the ability to see clearly often become very misconstrued and disrupted and we allow a feeling or feelings to make all of these determinations and expectations we cling to. And time as said, is not a change, there has to be more than just the passage of days, weeks or even years.
So if we are willing to face our own self in the metaphoric "mirror" we can open our eyes, heart and spirit and begin to truly see and accept what we have and what is lacking. When the "lacking" is much higher than any of the rewards, benefits or proof of more from that other person, it's time to face we may need to be the one changing rather than waiting for change.
Let’s take a long distance or online romance as an example. While that can be a great way of meeting others, and especially those in our general area or vicinity. It allows us to connect with a variety of individuals and to get to know a person via phone calls, Skype or other video chat resources. While that can be a wonderful venue for meeting others, it is not supportive of a real time relationship with there is never any in person or face to face interaction. So if the distance or the choices because of the distance prohibit either partner from travel, it is quite likely that our "lacking list" is going to be stacked quite high. So while we can begin a relationship online or even create or feel a strong bond and connection; we cannot maintain an actual relationship of equality, giving and interaction without any face to face time. So that list would include, no intimacy or affection, meals cannot be shared, we cannot meet one another's family and friends. We cannot attend special events, help out if one becomes ill or do any of the hundreds of daily activities that all become a part of forming a life partner or committed relationship. Unless there is a very specific reason (see part 2) and a definitive plan, such as one is moving or relocating in a short time frame or within reason, the relationship lacks too much to be a vital, significant and worthy endeavor of our time, energy and resources.
And this applies to any existing relationship whether they live next door or even share our space. It also applies to those that are holding onto either the past, that there will be some reunification, or just hope and/or expectation that the future will create the desired relationship or outcome because of our desire rather than building together.
As we look at what is lacking or non-existent and we compare that to our true needs, wants and desires, the picture can become much clearer and we can begin to face that reality.
Of course that or this is not an easy or simple matter, and many humans are too fearful of the uncertainty of the future to be willing to let go of what is, but actually isn't.
We have to believe that hope exists, and there IS reason to believe in love, and soul mates, life partners, etc., but there are times when that "poster male/female" is simply not going to be the one.
It takes a great deal of courage and spiritual awareness to face these relationships (or lack of) and define the relationship rather than allowing it to define us. And as with most things we face in our lives', we are not always able to see or feel the true potential of an alternate outcome until we have fully released that which is NOT for our greater good, or able to provide all of what a true relationship should, can and deserves to give.
Once we come to terms with what has been just a perception that we in of ourselves has kept alive or going because to face otherwise is filled with uncertainty, then we can begin to move on.
And because we are and always will be spiritual beings living a human life, our spiritual potential defines our human potential, and that purpose and higher path as well. None of that can be achieved until we face what we have created or tried to self create versus the definition of a relationship; TWO people, regardless of gender or sexual orientation, giving equally, providing support, love and priority. And we cannot find that, if we are caught in a perpetual trap of self illusion or an allusion.
Next, the steps, learning to let go and feeling the burdens lifted.
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