Jul 3, 2020
Image: Prim and proper Victorian couple - Wikimedia Commons/Public Domain
While there are many social norms we still abide by in the modern age, most of us don’t spend too much time thinking about the ins and outs of etiquette: Which side of the plate does this fork go on? Elbows go where? What should be worn to an event like this? The same can not be said about generations from the past 100 years according to curiositywell.com.
From strange eating rules to unusual grooming habits, how people upheld societal niceties in the past are a far cry from today’s standards. The most bizarre etiquette rules from the last century are making people thankful we live in the new millennium.
1880s: Before the turn of the twentieth century women had very strict rules regarding their hair. They were expected to wear it up on all occasions or else risk seeming unladylike. That is, unless they were in the bedroom.
1890s: In this decade women were allowed to give gifts to their husbands, with several important caveats: Wives could only give presents after receiving one, and what they presented in return had to be either cheap, homemade, or both.
1890s: Also during this time period, direct questions were heavily frowned upon. Instead of asking, for example, “How are you doing?,” the socially correct greeting would be to say, “I hope you are doing well.” Classy!
1910: Parents back then had some weird ideas about child-rearing. Specifically, the dominant philosophy was that mothers and fathers should refrain entirely from playing with their babies until they were at least six months old — so they didn’t get spoiled, of course.
1910: In Victorian times — and on through the early 20th century — people believed “impure” thoughts were the reason for babies getting sick. Pregnant women in particular were expected to keep their minds out of the gutter.
1915: In this year in particular, attending weddings was more akin to entering a concert, as guests had to be in possession of an admittance ticket to be let in. This was especially true for ceremonies taking place in big cities.
1930s: It’s hard to think of a period in history when pregnant women weren’t infantilized, but in the 1930s, they weren’t even allowed to travel! Like, at all. They couldn’t ride in the back seat of a car.
1930s: One 1938 issue of magazine Madomoiselle had a handy bit of advice for college women seeking suitors: have your mom send you some flowers to trick all the boys into thinking they have competition. Sad! But also smart.
1940s: Although decades earlier women had to keep their luscious locks all buttoned up, by the time the ’40s swung around, they were expected to brush their locks with one hundred strokes every night until their “scalp tingled.” Anything to get that “shining halo.”
1940s: Women who drank were not considered prime wife material. “She can certainly hold her liquor is not a compliment,” Vogue‘s Book of Etiquette wisely advised. This was better than the 1880’s, when they were only permitted one glass of champagne!
1940s: Family dinners can be a fun time of familial bonding — that is, if you make sure to follow the rules. Salt and pepper must be passed together, as God intended. Grandpa asked for just the salt? Too bad, he’s getting a package deal.
1940s: Another ’40s-era nicety was that you were always expected to smile while talking on the phone. This was a relatively new form of communication at the time, so maybe they just didn’t understand people couldn’t see you.
1950s: In the era of TV dinners, people still found time to make very specific rules about consuming vegetables. According to one guide, asparagus must be cut in half in order to avoid “the ungraceful appearance of a bent stalk…falling limply into someone’s mouth.”
1950s: But the dining habits didn’t stop there. People were also expected to cut their salads. Confused? Here’s some helpful advice: “Try first to cut your salad with your fork. If you find it difficult, calmly pick up your knife and use it.”
1950s: “Chivalry” was alive and well in the ’50s, and therefore men were always expected to escort women on their left. It dated from medieval times, when the custom allowed them to carry their swords in the free right hand. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!
1960s: As we all know, etiquette extends to children as well as adults. During the ’60s parents sent their daughters to charm schools where they took classes such as “Exercise/Diet, Voice/Speech, Modeling, Skin Care/Grooming, Make-up, [and] Fashion.”
1960s: Way before vaping became a hot button topic, literally everybody smoked cigarettes. In fact, a man was expected to carry smokes on him at all times, and if a woman lit one up, he was supposed to follow suit. It’s the gentlemanly thing to do.
1960s: The willowy model look was very much in during this decade, and for pictures, this meant never letting your hands fall straight at your sides less they obscure any part of your streamlined physique.
1960s: Also during the ’60s, hands had their own set of requirements; the right was social, while the left was personal. That meant you should both cough and hold drinks in the latter, so as to keep the right hand free for socializing.
1960s: Usually the old adage goes, “Ladies first,” but there was one crucial exception to the rule. If the room was dark, a man entered first so as to protect his woman against any would-be threats.
1970s: As Second Wave Feminism rose to prominence, gender roles began to shift. By the ’70s, men and women on dates were supposed to discuss the dinner bill before it arrived. That way, the woman could contribute — if she could afford to.
1980s: By the time the ’80s rolled around, cellphones were just starting to infiltrate the population. This caused a division over whether it was proper to answer a call in the shower. According to the New York Times, the answer is a resounding no.
1980s: Also coming into mass popularity at the time were computers. Rather than “Best Regards” or a simple “Thanks,” the standard email sign-off at the time was the weirdly robotic: “Electronically Yours.”
1980s: Sending flowers has always been a thing, but in the ’80s, it became particularly important what color said flowers were. Red for lovers, white for grief, and the list goes on.
1990s: Etiquette books resolved the delima of what a pregnant bride should wear and whether it’s polite to send a dinner invitation through the fax machine.
The world of etiquette looks pretty different in the 21st century according to thedailymeal.com.
Being present is more important than ever. It’s so easy to just whip out your cellphone and text or check out the news when you’re on a date or out with friends. But please don’t. It’s a behavior that’s actually really rude.
Social media changed everything. If you don’t want your elders or employers to see it, don’t post it. That’s a sure etiquette lesson your grandma wishes you knew.
Phone calls are for important and long conversations only. Nowadays, there is this feeling, especially among the younger set, that a phone call means something big is going on. If you want to say something short, just text. Please, just don’t text important news.
It’s rude to smoke in public. Since 2018, 26 states and hundreds of cities have indoor smoking bans, so it’s illegal to smoke indoors. And if you’re in the company of others, it’s polite to ask to step outside to have a cigarette.
You need to be careful with humor. Joking about sexual preferences, gender, race, weight or a host of other touchy topics is considered pretty offensive today. Keep things PG and polite.
RSVPing Is easier — so be prompt. Back in the day, you had to RSVP to every birthday party, bar mitzvah and wedding with a phone call or stamped and addressed letter. These days, all you need to do to confirm your attendance to a party is send a text, check ‘attending’ on Facebook or fire off a quick email. RSVPing within 24 hours of receiving an invitation is polite and a sure way to be the best party guest ever.
There’s literally no excuse for being late. In the ‘90s, you didn’t know when you’d hit traffic or when the trains were stalled. Today, you can check Google Maps or Waze to see exactly how long it will take you to get to your final destination, and Twitter is a great resource for seeing if people are talking about traffic or public transportation delays. And if you are late, shoot your friend a text and let them know ASAP.
There’s no rule on who asks who out. One of the life rules you need to ditch in middle age is waiting around for a man to ask you out. In this modern dating age, if you’re interested in a person, just ask them out!
The person who initiates a date should pay. Back in the ‘90s, it was expected that the man would pay for the first date and, well, pretty much all dates. But the person who asked the other person out is really the one who should pay the bill.
Calling a woman ‘Ma’am’ or a man ‘Sir’ isn’t always polite. You may have been taught that it’s polite to call your elders ma’am and sir, but that isn’t the case anymore. Sure, in the South this still may be the most proper way to address someone, but be sure to gauge the situation and the person before immediately calling someone ma’am or sir. The phrase could offend them because it’s seen as something for someone very old.
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