Feb 9, 2017
"The spiritual enabler; when hope becomes co-dependency" Part 1
There are probably many of us that are familiar with the terms enabling and co-dependency but not in a spiritual context. Perhaps with addiction or in a relationship or situation in which we continue to support what we do not morally agree with. This creates huge conflict within our own spiritual core/energy and creates not only conflict but chaos, anxiety and inner turmoil.
It is quite possible and often an overlapping influence and/or issue to be involved in both the emotional and spiritual dynamics of co-dependency and enabling. In all of these very unhealthy and dysfunctional relationships, interactions and even situations, i.e., jobs, business, careers, we cannot follow our own true path and identity. Although as mentioned quite often these enabling or co-dependent relationships and the energy and resources used to support such do overlap or involve more than just an addict or spirituality; there are differences as well. This blog mini-series focuses on the spiritual factors, influences and energy and how easily humans can become absorbed and even consumed by the process.
In almost all spiritual enabling or co-dependency; an intimate relationship or another human is generally the focus. And in this context we define "intimate relationship" as one in which another person is or becomes an integral part of our life, even if not a romantically intimate relationship. We can spiritually enable a family member or even a good friend to the degree of self-harm, even when that was never the original intention. For many these influences or dysfunctions occur over a period of time and while for some warning signs may have been visible, for whatever reason those were ignored. So being a spiritual enabler or co-dependent becomes a consistent and repetitive pattern of behaviors that is detrimental to both persons. It can and almost always stunts the spiritual growth, identity and ability to embrace hope, faith and the potential and opportunities that wait in the future.
To understand how my guides define and the context for being spiritually enabling or co-dependent, we look first at the original source of contact or connection.
It is quite unlikely that any human deliberately or intentionally seeks to become an enabler or in any way searches or connects to another human in need or want of co-dependency. What usually occurs is we find ourselves drawn to or spiritually connected to another, and again although this can be a friend or family member it is most common in romantic relationships. Or towards those where some type of romantic or the hopes of such exist and are pursued. As we begin to bond, spending more time with such a person, we slowly allow the connection or what we declare as that potential to override our spiritual health. Therefore over time, rather than exiting what has proven or shown to be a person in self created or chosen distress, chaos or dysfunction we stay. And for the enabler or the co-dependent, there must exist even if that energy or vibration has never been illuminated prior, some need, desire or the belief of such that lures us into their drama or dysfunction.
So it can then be said that in most cases, those that find they are in spiritual distress due to that enabling or co-dependency there must exist at some level our own spiritual imbalance. Balance and dysfunction cannot mix or be conjoined for any length of time before a spiritually and emotionally healthy person is able to recognize these patterns and even facing pain, loss or sacrifice, a toxic influence (person/relationship) is released or exited.
As with all things in life spiritual and literally, there are exceptions and there are those that at some point did maintain balance, healthy dynamics. This supported the greater good for self until or unless a major event or trauma totally fractured that balance and unity. So for example a romantic couple in a committed or life partner relationship could find themselves faced with a sudden shift that profoundly changed the spiritual dynamics and therefore the health of both or either person.
However even that being the case, a spiritually balanced, functional and healthy human that is fully empowered with a strong sense of identity will only tolerate such shifts to a limit.
So to define spiritual enabling or co-dependency which for the most part these two terms are fairly identical in energy, traits, influences and interactions. It becomes defined by a human/person who has the awareness that the relationship, encounters and/or interactions are based on reliance, expectations and the use of resources which takes rather than gives. For some it may be years of waiting for someone to suddenly realize they "love" us or they will eventually make some huge and significant change in their life to meet our needs. So there is a strong expectation for a specific outcome, and all of our energy and spiritual influences are spent in either actions or intentions meant to create change in another. Or by preventing us from being able to live in hope and faith of our own path and journey and the ability to recognize there are many forms and sources from which we can incur happiness peace and fulfilling our purpose.
Those that spiritually enable or become co-dependent instead whether slowly or within a short time, place all chances and/or sources for happiness onto that person or relationship that exists either in full dysfunction or is non-existent other than our obsession towards that specific goal.
All moral issues and judgments aside, my guides use the example of the female that continues a long term, romantic relationship with a married male. It has been made clear that a divorce is either not an option, or there have been years of procrastination, excuses and broken promises. The female, undeterred continues to place all desires, hopes and faith that happiness can be achieved when said male exits that marriage to be exclusively their partner. The male is allowed total and complete access to such female, without making any sacrifices or taking any real risks (emotional and spiritual risks). This becomes enabling as "nothing changes if nothing changes" and the married man has no consequences and unlimited support, love and resources regardless of the small amount they provide or give. Or it could be a female that is emotionally unavailable for whatever underlying cause and a male continues to support the female, allowing her to come and go in and out of their life with again, no consequence. And rather than releasing what has been shown to be an unlikely if not impossible outcome, instead an enabler gives more, shows more in the hopes that doing so can and will create change. But universal law teaches us that love in of itself cannot change the traits, patterns or behaviors of others and most especially if there are no consequences and only rewards for ongoing chaos or dysfunction.
In defining co-dependency, although as mentioned it can be a term interchangeable with enabling; there are some slight differences. When we are spiritually co-dependent, we become so fixated on another human, our interactions (or lack of) with that person even if they are no longer in contact. In some instances a relationship was or is a past event, months and even years can go by with literally no contact or interaction and we can remain co-dependent. It becomes a mood and energy altering experience so that our day, frame of mind, energy and outlook is solely defined by either the contact or even what we may view on social media, hear from friends, or information obtained.
So spiritually co-dependency is complex and complicated and becomes the main focus for our identity, empowerment or lack of and whether or not we have faith or hope in or for our own life, self and path.
Next; how enabling and co-dependency affect our energy and create limits on our present and future.
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