Jan 28, 2017
"I love you but I am not IN love with you"
Part 4/conclusion
As we conclude the series on love versus in love, the question arises whether those that do fall out of love have any chance of falling back in love. Because love and relationships are so complex and variable it depends on the situation, relationship and both partners. There are times when a person may lose that "in love" feeling due to role changes or characteristics that are opposite from those displayed by their partner when they fell in love. An example would be an addict regardless of the type of addiction. Those types of major and destructive behaviors and changes can and usually do destroy relationships stealing away that feeling of in love.
For other couples it is possible that rather than one or the other truly losing the total feelings of in love, life has just seemed to obscure those feelings and appreciation or gratitude may be missing. Family life, work, children and settling into a routine can be comfortable and stable, but it can at times take away those moments or elements of surprise, anticipation and remembering to put the relationship first.
In those situations before you decide to cut ties or exit a relationship be sure you have exhausted all possible attempts at rebuilding or reconnecting with that energy. Although it may not be common, it is at times possible and it’s the baseline love we still feel that motivates us to at least try.
In many situations once that feeling is gone, it just isn't possible to regain it or go back in time to renew. As mentioned earlier there are some relationships that are not destined to last for various reasons and this is one way of being split apart or able to end. While the other partner may still feel in love, eventually they too are ready to let go knowing they are not desired, or wanted the way they were before. There are other situations where couples meet and share an intense attraction, and although they may feel they have grown to love each other, that intense attraction is more physical or chemistry and sooner or later will fade if not disappear. So lust can be mistaken for love and/or being in love.
And some humans are simply so intent and perhaps even obsessed with being in love or having a life partner to share their lives’ with, they end up falling in love with the idea of love. Since that is not the actual person, eventually that feeling also fades and again whiles a platonic or friendship love remains, there is not enough motivation to continue the relationship.
It can be one of the most difficult things to accept and/or hear from a partner as its almost impossible not to take it personally. The best hope or faith we can maintain is that this is or was some lesson and a life partner is waiting who will never "fall out of love".
For a successful life partnership or long term relationship to last and maintain health, happiness and a strong connection on every possible level, being in love is vital. We just cannot go "forever" fueled on by loving someone the way we might love a friend or sibling, it is the "in love" that defines that soul mate or special connection. If that was not important or didn’t exist, we as humans would likely just pair up with almost anyone.
So loving someone and being in love are two different feelings and result in different actions and outcomes. While love tends to last in the sense of still caring even if you are no longer with that particular person. Being in love once gone generally stays gone and nothing is able to revive that feeling back. There is just nowhere to go when that is lost, or for whatever reason destroyed. The only thing we have is our future. Waiting for months or years, or trying to entice someone or "make" that person fall back in love almost never works. And in most cases it only makes that feeling of wanting to exit the relationship stronger. If the person has any doubts as to the authenticity of whether it’s a slump or truly out of love, most are not going to toss away an otherwise productive and worthwhile relationship.
When they no longer are in love or perhaps it’s you no longer in love it is a sign or symbol that for whatever the reason, the relationship no longer can be sustained. And as hard as it can be and as difficult to understand or accept as often there just aren’t any real answers. There are not logical explanations or times that one can point out and say, then, or there, this is how it happened. In fact those that do fall out of love often feel confused and do not understand their own feelings other than they cannot be ignored.
Loving others is always a good thing, but for romance we do need to be in love and find the secret to staying in love to keep the relationship alive and succeeding.
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