Jan 26, 2017
"I love you but I am not IN love with you"
Part 3
We talked about those who use this "method" or way of communicating to end a relationship. Because there is a universal understanding that the exact details may vary the outcome or main theme is understood; a break up, split, divorce or no romantic potential exists.
But what about those that are truly expressing their heart in the best way they know how and it is the best they can explain their inner feelings.
In part 1 we looked at how these two emotions, state of being and energy or the emotional state that either never existed or has changed. In couples that have been in exclusive, committed relationships, feelings or the guarantee of those lasting are impossible. lt is then possible to accept that on occasion; sometimes a change in free will and other times this was destined from the beginning.
When humans enter romantic relationships must do so assuming this will last "forever", but not everything is meant to be forever. Clients often come to me convinced that someone new or recently met, is a soul mate or a twin flame, and to their way of thinking this offers some type of spiritual assurance that they are "meant to be". And some humans are so intent on the idea of what love, a soul mate, twin flame or similar they are unable to see or be aware of the actual relationship or refuse to accept anything less than their own intended outcome.
So as we take a look at these various relationships we begin to understand that there are times, and it does happen when one or the other simply "falls out of love" and it changes everything.
To be a life partner which simply means a soul mate dedicated and with the right qualities or matching values, trust, friendship etc., there must be love and also in love. Humans that have a strong sense of self and identity and are empowered are actually able to give more in these relationships. And they are also able to accept when things do not work out because at some point their partner fell out of love. Accepting doesn't imply there is no pain or grief, or a period of mourning and transition, it only means we accept rather than obsess over refusal to acknowledge or determination to change the other person. And by the time someone has reached that level of not being "in love" it is almost always beyond repair or saving.
No longer or never having been "in love" can vary a bit in the meaning depending on the individual, but there are a few standard or universal things that are clear and almost always present.
The partner may care about you as a person but no longer feels excited, dedicated or committed to spending their life with you or together. There are usually some signs, even if these are subtle, a lack of intimacy, a partner that seems uninterested in future plans or vacations once talked about. And for some humans they are not able to determine the cause or any cause for this shift or change of feelings. They only know that it exists, isn't returning and it becomes harder and harder to "pretend" or to continue the relationship feeling as they do. The strong attraction or chemistry is either greatly reduced or lacking (hence the lack of intimacy) it is almost the way we would love a sibling, a very platonic caring versus that excitement. It should be noted that even the best of love and relationships do have their ups and downs; it’s never a straight line but one of curves. However there is a huge difference between the normal flows of love versus truly falling out of love; those that do fall out of love eventually will confess this to their partner as they will not, or cannot stay in such a relationship. And it wouldn't be healthy for either partner to do so as both deserve both being loved and being in love.
In some instances there may not have been that powerful "in love" feeling in the beginning but there were so many other outstanding qualities that one felt it would compensate. But as humans, love or being in love is not something we can or will give up, not for long anyway and eventually that flaw becomes more and more of an obstacle until the relationship is unsustainable.
There are those that may meet another person, perhaps intentionally and sometimes unintentionally. Although as humans we can be in love with someone and still feel a connection from time to time with another human being. It should not be to such a degree or depth/level that we are willing to risk what we have to pursue this new emotion and person. For those that follow that path, it is quite likely they are not in love with their partner. Being in love is a form of anticipation perhaps not always at its most intense but existing nonetheless.
Although being in love can be hard to describe or put into words, it’s a feeling that if you have it you know and if you don't or it fades or disappears you also know.
Being in love is essential for life partners to be able to navigate through life and especially through or within a life relationship. We have enough challenges in other aspects that our love must be solid, strong, equal, trustworthy, honored and respected. In addition to being friends, we must be lovers, and able to communicate and part of all of that includes being in love in addition to being loved.
Next, can we find our way back or is this a permanent energy or lack of feeling? If someone was in love once, what would prevent that person from falling back in love if we make changes or alter our life together?
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