Jan 25, 2017
"I love you but I am not IN love with you"
Part 2
When we begin to separate or qualify the actual or real differences (if such exists) between loving a romantic partner versus being "in love" we first look at how this explanation is often used. And just as a reminder, this topic/blog refers exclusively to romantic relationships or relationships that either has been, moving towards or one or the other is hopeful or expectant of that outcome. In platonic relationships, friends and family etc., the term "in love" is omitted and never used as a definition.
So while there are of course those humans that have never been on the receiving end of this statement or perhaps never considered this as a rational or logic explanation or expression of the status of a relationship. There are quite likely in my experience both life in general and in the spiritual profession, more humans that have heard this, or offered this as in some way to excuse or explain a fracture in an existing relationship, a way of ending a relationship or even used as a reason why romance or a romantic connection is not possible. Although later in the series we will take a closer look at some of the actual or real differences between love and in love; sometimes it becomes simply an excuse.
While some humans, regardless of gender are open to communication and easily can share and express their feelings, whether positive or negative, needs or desires. Not everyone is capable of such expression and many often become very uncomfortable when it comes to romance or intimacy and their ability to cope and/or express their feelings, emotions and even goals, needs or life path. So unfortunately this has become a catch all phrase or rather general statement that is too often used to exit a relationship or avoid becoming involved. In many instances the person sharing such sentiments is not even fully connected to the actual meanings, or differences in the meanings, but it has become a universal symbol in language. When someone is told this, or this "reason" is given for a major shift in a relationship, although there are undoubtedly a million questions left unanswered, the intended outcome is crystal clear- the relationship regardless of whatever stage it may be at is for the most part over.
When someone tells a partner or a romantic hopeful they are either no longer or not "in love" this symbolizes for most universally that there is a lack of attraction, chemistry and any desire to pursue or continue such relationship no longer exists. By adding the "I love you" as a preface, it is often only meant to soften the blow or make it easier or more comfortable for the person transmitting this profound statement. As always there are and can be exceptions to all things, but generally speaking, we assume and rightly so, that when such a statement is delivered, there is no longer any hope for a future. And again regardless of the time together or what was seen or felt in terms of a connection and even the actions.
For those on the receiving end, they may have noticed subtle changes and even questioned the other person or their partner. But for others, depending on their partner's coping skills and ability to communicate effectively and accurately. Self expression and even their own self identity, this could be quite unexpected with no forewarning, nothing in the routine, actions or behavior of their partner to indicate any type of "loss" of feelings, emotions, or the desire to remain in the relationship.
So although there are times when this statement carries truth, and there are some feelings that would be considered "love", people are always evolving, changing and shifting. As we grow and move along our journey, various life events and experiences add to the shifts in our path, our identity or self, energy and the role in which we develop and/or become.
So yes it is possible to love someone but for many reasons either no longer be "in love" or perhaps having never been in love. Relationships are extremely complex, complicated and rely on persons, their roles, external circumstances and the ability to shift while maintaining the highest connection. The relationship is its own entity and in a sense has a life of its own shared by two people.
So for many, this statement is more of a cowardly way of ending a romantic relationship, or it may simply be the person is unable or even unwilling to express their thoughts and feelings in greater detail or explanation. And for those on the receiving end, if this is just intended for the ease or comfort to meet the agenda of those seeking to exit or extricate themselves with as little interaction as possible, it is unjust and unfair. The other half or the receiver is most likely going to be left with little if any true understanding of what went wrong, when things changed and why.
Next up, looking at those that are not "in love" or for various reasons, lose that specific connection, emotion or bond ~
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